Wk 4, Steelers -3.5 at Eagles Sunday at 415pm.

Took a stab at a video update this week. I’m sure I’ll try again and I’m sure they’ll improve! Skip to 1:20 for the meat of the Cheddar update.

Link to ‘wk4’ page of master spreadsheet.

And just to take the ‘check this page’ theme one step further and to emphasize the importance… it turns out I had graded the CU/Mich game wrong. CU covered and it was brought to my attention only this morning by an attentive user. This was a straight-up mistake on my part, I’m grateful for his catch of it, and I sure do encourage you to do likewise. I promise you’re not bugging me when you bring a question to my attention!

Download (PDF, Unknown)

  • clayII

    Falcons (+3)

    Brees has been lighting it up, and a lot of people think Saints could be 2-0 right now. Payton owns the Falcons like 10-5 su (don’t quote me on that exact record though). At home, hurricane Katrina remembered, blah blah… The line is actually 2.5 now which is a key number. This year dogs 2.5 or less are 10-4 vs spread. I’ll take Julio and Matt Ice

  • mmmmsnouts

    That was quite a cover for those of you who had Arizona State laying 4 last night.

  • DQuatts


    ***skipping the essay this week. missed my CFB play this week. Panthers need this win for more reasons than one.***

  • UncleBuck

    Gotta see about a girl

  • PJD19

    Essay Cards over bills

    I’m channeling my inner joe-public on this one. I just don’t see how the bills are gonna stay with the cards. They really aren’t very good on either side of the ball, they commit a ton of penalties, they’re poorly coached, they just fired their OC and the cardinals have consistency at qb and coach, have tons of dudes on both sides of the ball and are a playoff bound team. Seems like the line should be bills +9. Usually this spells sucker bet, but i just think vegas hasn’t seen enough bills games. 10 days rest and an “us against the world” rex ryan speech won’t be enough.

  • Matt Borcas

    Arizona State -4 over Cal

    • Matt Borcas

      Bengals -3 over Broncos
      Raiders +1.5 over Titans
      Jags +1 over Ravens
      Eagles +3.5 over Steelers

    • Matt Borcas

      Essay: Saints

      Drew Brees is a monster in the Superdome at night, and the 0-2 Saints are desperate for a win. The Falcons don’t have a pass rush, so I don’t see New Orleans’s offense struggling tonight like it did against the Giants (despite Willie Snead’s likely absence). Admittedly, Matt Ryan is playing pretty well, but if this game turns into a shootout, I’d prefer to have the home team. There’s also the Gleason blocked punt anniversary factor, which is foolish to bet against if only for karmic reasons.

  • zarathustra

    Georgia Tech (L)
    Pitt (W)
    Georgia Southern
    Arizona St***

    • zarathustra

      I’m really half-assing it again this week. Here’s a disorganized stream of conscious essay for AZ St:
      The Sun Devils aren’t my favorite pick this week, but it shall be my essay nonetheless. I don’t think that highly of Todd Graham as a coach. He’s alright I guess, but I don’t expect him to take Arizona St anywhere. He’s probably good enough though that ten years from now he’ll be a really good MAC coach. The Sun Devils had a tough year last year and are nothing special this year, but they are at home for a night game and coming off a lackluster performance against the meep meeps. They shouldn’t have any trouble scoring against a bad Cal defense.
      As a degenerate I spend a lot of late Saturday nights watching west coast football and there is no team I probably watched more last year than Cal. Sonny Dykes is fine as far as air raid coaches go I guess. I was always pretty adamant that Jared Goff will be a bust on sundays. The fact that a Texas Tech castoff is putting up similar numbers this year only reinforces that. Sure Cal beat Texas as home dogs, but maybe Texas was overrated. I liked them coming into this year as an improved team under Charlie Strong. And maybe they are, but all that we have to go on at this point is a close victory at home vs Notre Dame. In hindsight maybe that wasn’t quite as impressive as it seemed at that time.

  • clayII

    Arkansas (+6.5)

    • clayII

      Eagles (+3.5)
      Bucs (-5.5)
      Skins (+4)
      Cards (-4.5)

      sun or mon night essay to follow

  • bupalos

    I seem to be on a yes-no-yes-no pattern thus far, so I’m going to make an offering to Aequitas and try to beat the pattern without breaking it, throwing down my essay Ched on UCLA at home with points. This is actually mostly about binding myself to the mast to keep that siren song of CMFB +10 from luring me onto the Rocks of Kessler. But this game has enough of it’s own virtues. When I look at Stanford, I’m not sure I see the usual Stanford formula here. Instead of balance and great QB play they are just kind of riding a phenom running back. UCLA has been waiting a long time for a Stanford game with this much in their favor, the crowd should be juiced, and it shouldn’t take a great gameplan to make this happen.

    • oxr

      Mmmm, Kessler on the rocks.

  • oxr

    College game! Let’s go with Stanford -3 over UCLA.

    • oxr

      All-Play Steelers -3.5 over Eagles – the bloom has to come off the rose one of these weeks, right?

      Essay Dolphins -10 over Browns – I’ll probably be watching the game surrounded by long-suffering Browns
      fans and it will give me no joy to quietly root for the other outcome, but I’m taking a mulligan on my failed Ravens pick from last week because it was really a very narrowly failed Ravens pick, despite what happened in the first quarter. When you score three touchdowns in ten minutes (or whatever) and still almost lose by 7 at home there may still be some kinks to be worked out. Coleman looked good but of course is now injured. I’d pick against Cody Kessler (“not even close to being ready to play” – A. Schefter) on the road if he was still at USC, never mind in the pros. The Dolphins aren’t exactly world-beaters but they’ve lost to two teams that are probably going to end up pretty good. Ten points is a bargain right here.

      Three more picks hopefully coming up before the 1 PM kickoff.

      • oxr

        Rounding things out with:

        Cardinals -4.5 over Bills – feels like I’m perpetually off on the Cards; essayed in week 1 then deleted them at the last second last week to replace with aforementioned Ravens pick. Here we go again.

        Lions +7.5 over Packers – seems like a better chance than usual to keep one of these close-ish.

        Jets +3 over Chiefs.

  • Tim Butler

    Gators +6.5

    • Tim Butler

      raiders +1.5
      cards -4.5
      steelers -3.5
      jets +3
      Essay: BUCS -5.5

      The Rams have yet to get a TD this year. This should not come as a surprise to anyone who watched Hard Knocks. I don’t know why but I hate this team. Maybe it’s Jeff Fisher’s mustache, maybe it’s got something to do with that d-lineman who believes in mermaids, but actually, it’s just Kenny Britt. Last week, the Bucs got crushed 40-7. I love picking teams coming off of blowout losses. I think this week we’ll see a refocused Jameis and an energized Bucs team playing in their home opener. “I’ll take a touchdown next week,” said Fisher, “that would be cool.” I don’t think so Jeff. I’m off to eat some turtles.

      • Tim Butler

        changing my all play to Eagles

  • Jmacdaddio

    Eagles +3.5 Essay Pick / AP
    Baylor -8
    Akron +5.5
    Wake Forest +8
    Seahawks -9
    Giants -4.5

    In an unprecedented maneuver for this Cheddar contestant, it’s time to essay the All Play. And to further tempt fate, I’m essaying the same team in consecutive weeks. I was tempted to go POTY on this game however cooler heads prevailed. Carson Wentz so far has captivated Philadelphia fans by just making simple plays. The Chip Kelly experiment seems to be a distant memory, right up there with the Vick to DeSean Jackson combination. I haven’t really paid much attention to the Steelers, as they seem to be largely the same as they’ve been for the last decade or so. Big Ben will keep making something out of broken plays by virtue of being big and mobile for a guy his size, however eventually time catches up. As a home dog with a solid start to the season this at the surface looks like a solid pick. At some point the Eagles will crash to earth, however I’m betting three points that it’s not this week.

  • Dave Borcas

    Rest of my picks
    LSU -3
    FSU -6
    Texas A&M -6.5
    Wake Forrest +8
    Kansas City Chiefs -3

  • trashycamaro

    Florida +6.5 over Tennessee. A 12 year old has never seen Tennessee beat Florida. And by the way, my Gators have been lacking in the QB department for quite a few of those years, so this year is nothing special. And remember, Tennessee doesn’t know how to win anymore, see App State. Will Florida win? Don’t know. But should definitely be a close game and 6.5 is at least 3 points too high.

    • trashycamaro

      (Only reason this is not my essay is I mostly refuse to play my teams [Browns, Gators, Wolverines], rose colored glasses and all that)

    • trashycamaro

      Glad I stuck by that no essay rule – that was miserable. On to the good stuff.

      Raiders +1.5 over Titans So we are only two weeks in so advanced stats (and really all stats) from this season are of lmited value. That said, we know the Raiders offense is #1 per DVOA, and #8 per DAVE (mixes performance with projection). The Titans meanwhile are #17/#18 respectively. On defense the Raiders clock in at #30/#29, with Ten at #13/#22. What I see is a team with a good offense able to take advantage of a team with an average defense, and a team with an average and unexplosive offense unable to take advantage of a team with a bad defense.

      Bucs -5.5 over Rams

      Chiefs -3 over Jets

      Eagles +3.5 over Steelers

      Browns +10 over Dolphins

  • bupalos

    Let’s see if Bucky the emotionally unstable beaver brought some bite.
    Wisconsin +5.5

    • bupalos

      Let’s toss another strange animal in here, and vote for a ‘Nitany Lion.’ The way Michigan’s season is set up, I think style points will be pretty irrelevant and I’m not sure they’re on offer here anyway. Looking for Harbaugh to just play close to the vest and try to shrink the game with a huge one coming up next week. PSU +18.5

  • Brian

    Notre Dame
    Stanford*** Essay pick

    Christian McCaffrey is just an all around stud. He does it all for Stanford. Whether he is running, returning, catching, or hell let the kid throw the ball im sure he will be fine. To go along with that they also have a fantastic looking tree as their mascot, I mean look at that beautiful pine. But to be honest, the eyes just kinda creep me out on that gosh damn dancing tree. All in all, McCaffrey is the best player on the field and Josh Rosen has been less than impressive this year so I like Stanford to win by a lot more than 3

  • thatsfine

    Happy Saturday to all.
    MiamiU +17.5 (Essay to follow)
    Utah St. +3.5 – The Aggies are tough at home, winning 11 straight MWC games and 25 of their last 28 overall. This feels like a winning FG game either way it goes.
    App St -5.5
    Oregon St +13.5
    Marshall +26
    Steelers -3.5 – Can’t think of anybody better to bring a rookie QB back to Earth.

    • thatsfine

      Of course I’m using my POTY on a +17.5 road dog that hasn’t won a game of any consequence in 7 years. 3 years into rebuilding Miami’s program coach Chuck Martin isn’t seeing results appearing in the win column. 0-3 this year and 5-21 overall. But, anybody who has watched a game can clearly see Miami is a much improved team now that his first recruits are juniors and sophomores and there is some distance from the days of Shane Montgomery as coach. Last week Miami played WKU tough, actually outgaining them in first downs and total yards 424-404 – no small feat against WKU. More surprisingly, Miami also outgained Iowa in first downs and total yards in their season opening loss (incredibly, by the same margin 424-404), they lost 45-21 doomed by 3 fumbles. They also outgained FCS foe Eastern Illinois and somehow lost in the final minute. We’ll kindly call that growing pains. QB Billy Bahl is playing well, with 885 total yards and 6TDs/1INT. Last week Cincinnati played Houston tough before shitting the bed and getting routed in the 4th quarter, with Hayden Moore tossing two pick sixes in seven seconds. There is some talk that Gunner Kiel may see some playing time, with Tommy Tuberville saying “He’ll get his chance, opportunity is coming” in an interview this week. We’ll see how Moore reacts. UC’s issues aside, this is a vote for Miami and not against Cincinnati. This line opened at 21, now down to 14.5 in a few places. The Redhawks to lose another game by a TD or two, but not by 17.5!

  • squeekycleen

    Essay: Wisconsin: Badgers steady but unimpressive as usual now go to MSU to face Sparty after unexpected thrashing of ND. ND in classic fashion repeatedly shot themselves in foot in that game and really should have been up sizably early. I think we’ve got a situation where they are likely overrated and now show up as awfully short home favs. I think if they were legit good we would see something closer to 7. Certainly a sell high opportunity here.

    All play Eagles

    • This essay was too late, Squeeky. Gotta get the essays in 1 hour before kick. Keep the pick but pick another essay.

      • squeekycleen

        Can’t I just use this as my non-essay week then? If not I will write an essay for one of the other picks. Was at work and lost track of time.

        • Essay pick still has to be in an hour before kickoff. We have to enforce the rules as we’ve been doing all year, can’t start making exceptions now. UCLA would be a fine essay choice, IMO.

          • squeekycleen

            Ok, since I have to redo the essay, I will. This feels like homework.

            Essay: UCLA

            UCLA has looked sketch. They have underperformed. Stanford is ranked highly. They have a big time Heisman candidate. They also have David Shaw, he is terrible and wildly overrated. Stoops-esque. This also looks low, I don’t care if UCLA is at home. Meanwhile, Bucky was the play today. Complete road housing at overrated Sparty in a massive letdown spot. I am bad with rules.

          • Well that was special, wasn’t it? If it makes you feel any better, I had UCLA as well.

  • zarathustra

    Not really sure what all my plays are going to be yet and no idea what I will essay, but for now I will add:
    Georgia Southern

  • Peter Markos

    Steelers -3.5
    USF +6
    DALLAS -7
    SEAHAWKS -10
    MICHIGAN -17
    I will ride the Steelers and Packers all season long. Ben and Aaron are where I would risk my money if this was my rent money. The Eagles have not beaten anybody good yet. let’s see if Wentz can keep up with Ben. The Lions are a mess. It may be a division game, but I don’t see the Lions keeping up either.
    Huge game in Tampa today. A win puts Willie Taggart on the next big job radar. Big 12 or bust for USF. Tampa is the 11th largest market. Hopefully, that is enough. the worst case scenario is UCF get in and USF is left the minor leagues forever. Flowers and Mack can go toe to toe with FSUs offense.
    The Bears wont give the Cowboys a fight. No Romo, no problem against the Bears.
    The Seahawks will get back on track against the 49ers. Russell Wilson misses the Beast, but it wont matter against this bad team The Browns and 49ers are the opponents of preference for CB.
    Michigan will pound team Sandusky into the ground. I wont mind seeing them win for once. It that harsh? Move on PSU and I will too.
    The Browns best chance to win this season might be against the Dolphins.

  • jdoepke

    Not off to a great start this year so I’m sparing the commentary and getting right to it. Trust the process.

    Eagles +3.5 (AP)
    NW +7.5
    USF +6
    Utah St +3.5
    Ole Miss -7

    Wiscy +5.5

    Wiscy has looked awful, Sparty off a huge win in the national spotlight. Line is only 5.5 and I see it down to 3.5 now. 80% of wagers on Sparty, of course. I’ll take Wiscy to cover. Sparty wins late 21-20.

  • Hawkaholic

    I look for Iowa to bounce back after last weeks defeat to North Dakota State so i am taking the Hawks -13 on the road against Rutgers. Iowa is much to physical for Rutgers and will have its fair share of big plays from CJ Beathard and Akrum Wadley.

    Iowa -13
    Lousiville -26 I don’t really like this but LJ has been unreal and they could win by 50
    FSU -6 FSU will bounce right back and win big
    Nebraska -7 Northwestern is a terrible football team
    All Play: Eagles +3.5
    Essay: Cowboys -7

    The bears are a terrible football team and will be starting Brian Hoyer in his first ever appearnce at Jerry’s world. The Cowboys have been equally bad at home, they actually haven’t won a game in Dallas in over a year! The Bears are 1-6 ATS in their last 7 games and as Prescott and his receivers are starting to gel i think this is the week the Cowboys get their first win at home in a long time. The Bears are giving up 26 points a game with their average to below average defense. The Cowboys will take advantage of a weak Bears offensive line (Langford has 85 yards rushing in first 2 games) and force the Bears into throwing the football and Brian Hoyer isn’t exactly an elite QB. Dallas 27 Bears 10.

    Go Hawks

    • if hawkaholic isnt loving the hawks this year then i dont know what.

  • Capitalgg

    [All-Play] Steelers -3.5 @ Eagles
    1. Buccaneers -5.5 v. Rams: No one’s reporting this, but the Los Angeles Rams haven’t scored a touchdown since December 1994. (source: EVERYONE!)
    2. West Virginia -7 v. BYU: Speaking of te
    3. Colts -2.5 v. Chargers: Too many injuries for Chargers to overcome. Must-win for both teams.
    4. Raiders +1.5 @ Titans: Raiders need this win.

    Once bitten, twice shy? After the slaughter of my play of the year by a Florida St. team that apparently left their defense in Tallahassee. They couldn’t slow down the Louisville offense or even pretend to. They put a freshman QB in his first road start in a horrific situation. Then they, as a team, quit and got absolutely murdered.

    A prudent man might shy away from them for a while, but not me!

    After that ass-kicking the ‘Noles defensive lineman DeMarcus Walker plagiarized Tim Tebow’s “the Promise” speech. As shocking as academic fraud is at FSU, this is a great harbinger for this team going forward. They are in a must bounce back position. If they don’t play balls-out, the season is over.

    So I’m riding that train 1 more time, Florida St. -6 @ USF.

    Other considerations:
    Central Michigan -3.5 @ Virginia
    Iowa -13 @ Rutgers
    Louisville -26 @ Marshall
    Arkansas +6.5 @ Texas A&M
    Colorado +10.5 @ Oregon
    Texas St. +34.5 v. Houston
    Arizona St. -4 v. Cal
    Bengals -3 v. Broncos
    Saints -3 v. Falcons

  • John

    1. well played on the video update. (and nice nag- I learned something

    2. here are my college picks-
    Ole Miss -7 over Georgia (and Nick Chubb)
    Marshall +26 covers over Louisville
    Iowa -13 over Rutgers.

    peace out.

    • John

      NFL picks
      Cinci -3
      Bears +7 (essay)
      ***all play*** Steelers -3.5

      • John

        Bears +7 to Dallas
        ok. So I finally get my wish- and the #BenchCutler movement happens due to injury.
        insert B. Hoyer…who is 15-11 as a starter (better than JCutty). He’ll throw is a bunch. prolly have a few picks…and then they’ll run J Langford about 28 times (no Ka’Deem Carey)…and he’ll have two tds.
        Dak will look like a rookie tonight. keeping it close.
        Cowboys still win, but they don’t cover. Cowboys 31 – Bears 28

        The Bears are MY team. I am a homer with this pick. but I am pretty sure the Cowboys haven’t been favored by a TD since early 2015. So they aren’t that great either.

        I see special teams influencing this game.

  • smittypop2

    I will take the Dolphins in my pick of the week. I honestly think Cody Kessler would be a middling QB if he were to take a 6th year at USC this year. This guy flat out sucks and should not be in the NFL. Now imagine a team with the number 1 WR suspended for various drug offenses, the 2 WR out 4-6 with a broken hand, the really bad center out with injuries, one of our best defensive players/rookies out with injuries and a team waiting for us like we are a steak dinner. We were already one of the bottom 3 teams in the league for last week’s myriad of injuries. I have no idea how this team could possibly score a single point in this game. Kessler already sucks and he is going to be blessed with no running game, a horrid line and immense pressure. This seems like a blowout to me. Good night Browns and I really hope we bottom at 0-16 and get our pick of QBs.

    Other picks:
    Boostin Houston Cougars (RIP David and Jimmy Klingler and, especially, Andre Ware) -34.5
    Bengals -3 over Denver—I am still unsure how Trevor Siemian is in this league.
    Cardinals -4.5 over Buffalo—the sharps have played this down somehow and I still love the Cards. The Bills are really bad and Rex should be prepping to take over some college program that he can show Toe porn to. Fuck, it’s going to get bad up there. PS Rob Ryan lol
    Bears +7 over Jerry Jones rotting corpse facelift thingy–Fuck Ezekiel and Fuck Dak
    ALL PLAY Steelers -3.5 over Eagles–Come on. Who is the best rapist in all the land now that Kobe is retired? Easy-Big Ben. GO CURTAIN!!!

  • 1. Air Force -3.5
    2. UNC-Charlotte +27
    3. UMass +22
    4. ND -20.5
    5. Southern Miss -10
    6. Steelers -3.5 (All Play/Essay)

    Essay: Steelers -3.5

    Carson Wentz has been good. Some even say he has been great so far. Is it really possible to determine just how good or great a QB truly is when they’ve played the 2016 iterations of the Cleveland Browns and Chicago Bears though? I guess it is in the sense that if Wentz sucked those games he would be on bust alert, but two good games against two what seem to be awful teams isn’t enough for me to think that Wentz can keep his team within 3.5 points of the Steelers by the end of the game. His numbers against the blitz are as impressive as they come and he seemingly has every bit of confidence to make the throws he needs to. My thinking is every rookie seemingly has a “welcome to the NFL” moment and I think the Steelers produce that moment for Wentz on Sunday, leading to an easy win.

  • STANFORD. -3.
    NEBRASKA. -7.5
    EAST CAROLINA. +11.5

    The rest to come….

    • STEELERS -3.5. Today is the day Carson Wentz faces the music. Not necessarily that he’s going to be up against it and struggle, but he’s going to have to score 30 to win.

      $$$ RAIDERS $$$ +1.5 I’m gonna give you a dope ass beat to play while you’re watching the Titans get hammered this afternoon. Feels right.

      “Fuck The TITANS”

      [MARK DAVIS as Court Officer]
      Right about now, DA RAIDERS court is in full effect
      Judge JACK DEL RIO presiding
      In the case of DA RAIDERS vs. the TITANS;
      prosecuting attorneys are: AMARI COOPER, KARL JOSEPH,
      and KHALIL-motherfucking-MACK

      [JACK DEL RIO as The Judge]
      Order, order, order
      DEREK CARR, take the motherfucking stand
      Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth
      and nothing but the truth so help your WHITE ass?

      [DEREK CARR as Witness]
      You god damn right!

      Well won’t you tell everybody what the fuck you gotta say?

      [DEREK CARR]
      Fuck the TITANS coming straight from the SOUTH
      A young QB got it bad cause I got a BIG MOUTH
      And I’m wearing SILVER AND BLACK so TITANS think
      they have the authority to kill a minority
      Fuck that shit, cause I ain’t the one
      for a punk motherfucker gonna BE ON THE RUN,
      to be beating on, cause POINTS IM GONNA YIELD
      We can go toe to toe in the MIDDLE OF THE FIELD
      Fucking with me cause I’m a QB
      I’m searching the FILM, looking for the POTION
      You’d rather see me ON MY BACK END THO,
      than me doing MY DANCE IN THE BACK OF THE END ZONE,
      Beat a TITAN out of shape
      and when I’m finished, bring the yellow tape
      To tape off the scene of the slaughter
      Getting swoll at HALFTIME WITH ORANGE SLICES and water,
      I don’t know if they bitches or what
      Search a RAIDER down, and grabbing his nuts
      And on the other hand, without KENDALL WRIGHT they can’t get none
      But don’t let KHALIL MACK get MARIOTA
      TITANS showing out for MULARKEY,
      DEREK CARR will swarm
      on ANY motherfucker in a blue & WHITE uniform
      Just cause I’m from, the O-A-K-L-A-N-D
      Punk TITAN ass bitches are afraid of me!
      HUH, a young QB on the warpath
      And when I’m finished, it’s gonna be a bloodbath
      of TITANS, dying in NASHVILLE
      Yo SEBASTIAN, I got something to say

      [cut and scratched] “Fuck the TITANS”


      [BRIAN ORAKPO] Pull your god damn ass over right now
      [DEREK CARR] Aww shit, now what the fuck you pulling me over for?
      [BRIAN ORAKPO] Cause I feel like it!
      Just sit your ass on the 10-YARD LINE and shut the fuck up
      [DEREK CARR] Man, fuck this shit
      [BRIAN ORAKPO] Aight smartass, I’m taking your WHITE ass to jail!

      BRUCE IRVIN, will you please give your testimony
      to the jury about this fucked up incident?

      Fuck the TITANS and BRUCE said it with authority
      because the RAIDERS on the FIELD is a majority
      A gang, is with whoever I’m stepping
      and the motherfucking weapon is kept in
      a stash box, for the so-called law
      Wishing BRUCE was a LINEBACKER that they never saw
      KHALIL MACK start flashing behind me
      But that shit don’t work, I just laugh
      because it gives em a hint, not to step in my path
      For MARIOTA, I’m saying, “Fuck you punk!”
      Reading my rights and shit, it’s all junk
      Pulling out a silly club, so you stand
      with a fake-assed BALL and a PLAYBOOK in your hand
      But HOLD ONTO THE BALL so you can see what’s up
      And we’ll go at it punk, and I’ma fuck you up!
      Make you think I’ma kick your ass
      but DON’T drop that BALL, or BRUCE’S gonna blast
      I’m sneaky as fuck when it comes to THE BLITZ
      Smoke any motherfucker that sweats me
      or any asshole, that threatens me
      I’m a sniper with a hell of a scope
      Taking out a TITAN or two, they can’t cope with me
      The motherfucking villain that’s mad
      With potential, to get bad as fuck
      So I’ma turn it around
      Put in my clip, yo, and this is the sound
      [BOOM, BOOM] Yeah, something like that
      but it all depends on the size of the FAT
      GUARD TRYIN’ TO BLOCK ME, make my day
      But a DUDE like BRUCE don’t give a fuck to say

      [cut and scratched 4x] “Fuck the TITANS”

      [RYAN SUCCOP] [knocking on the door]
      [MARQUETTE KING] Yeah man, what you need?
      [SUCCOP] TITANS, open now
      [KING] Aww shit
      [SUCCOP] We have a warrant for JANIKOWSKI’s arrest
      Get down and put your hands up where I can see ’em
      (Move motherfucker, move now!)
      [KING] What the fuck did I do, man what did I do?
      [SUCCOP] Just shut the fuck up
      and get your motherfucking ass on the floor
      (You heard the man, shut the fuck up!)
      [KING] But I didn’t do shit
      [SUCCOP] Man just shut the fuck up!

      JANIKOWSKI, won’t you step up to the stand
      and tell the jury how you feel about this bullshit?

      I’m tired of the motherfucking jacking
      Sweating my gang, while I’m chilling in the shack, and
      TRYIN TO ICE ME, and for what?
      Maybe it’s because I kick so much butt
      I kick ass – or maybe JUST BALLS
      on a stupid-assed COACH when HE’S PLAYING with the CALLS
      Cause the TITANS always got something stupid to say
      They put out my picture with silence
      Cause my FOOT by itself causes violence
      The S TO THE J with the criminal behavior
      Yeah, I’m a gangsta, but still I LOVE MILWAUKEE’S BEST flavor
      Without a GUT AND A FOOT LIKE MINE, what do ya got?
      A sucker in a uniform waiting to get shot
      by me, or another KICKA
      And JUST CAUSE I’M FAT it don’t matter if he’s smaller or bigger
      [BRUCE IRVIN:] Size ain’t shit, he’s from the old school fool
      And as you all know, SEBASTIAN’S here to rule
      Whenever I’m KICKIN, keep looking in the mirror
      And ears on cue, yo, so I can hear a
      dumb motherfucker THINKIN IT’S FUN
      And if I’m rolling off INTERSTATE 65, he’ll be the one
      that I take out, and then get away
      While I’m driving off laughing this is what I’ll say

      “Fuck the TITANS”

      The verdict

      [JACK DEL RIO] The jury has found you guilty of being a redneck,
      white bread, chickenshit motherfucker, MARCUS MARIOTA.
      [MARIOTA] But wait, that’s a lie! That’s a god damn lie!
      [DEREK CARR] Get him out of here!
      [MARIOTA] I want justice!
      [CARR] Get him the fuck out my face!
      [MARIOTA] I want justice!
      [CARR] Out, RIGHT NOW!

      Fuck the TITANS!

  • That USC vote was a fine how do you do. Woof. Anyway.

    For my pick of the week I’ll take seemingly under-the-radar UCLA tonight as 3-point home underdogs against a Stanford team that has a massively hyped running back and no one is really sure what else. I guess it was a good win for Stanford over USC last week but the Bruins (no shame in UCLA’s Week 1 overtime loss in College Station, btw) are a much more solid group than the Trojans, at least at this point of the season and so early in the Helton regime. More specifically, the USC run defense is extremely suspect while UCLA’s looks to be quite good after having held BYU’s better than decent ground-attack to something like 30 yards on 30 attempts last week. UCLA’s defense as a whole returns 10 starters from last year who surely remember the 56-spot that Stanford hung on them last year. Plus I get a top NFL QB prospect running the offense. Plus 80% of the public is on Stanford. Plus it’s a Saturday 8PM game that I’ll get to watch.

    For the rest I’ll have:

    Wisconsin +5.5 over MSU, Marshall +26 over Louisville, Bills +4.5 over Cards, Eagles +3.5 over Stillers.

    A happy Cheddar weekend to all. And good stuff with the video update, Mike. Looking forward to future editions.

    • Feeling like I don’t want to step in front of the Lamar Jackson train right now. Please drop Marshall and give me Tennessee -6.5 over Florida instead.

  • Harbaugh Handshakes

    Lsu -3
    Wisconsin +5.5
    Texans (L)
    Seattle -9
    Steelers -3.5
    Bucs -5.5
    I’m trying to look for value in my essay picks. I am by no means a professional gambler but after the win at home vs Seattle for LA and a crushing defeat at Arizona for the Bucs I see some value here. LA. played out of their minds on defense in front of their home crowd but still could not put the ball in the end zone. Now they have to travel across the country and play one of the best young qbs in the league. Also a Tampa defense that was embarassed last week in Arizona.

  • cwonder23

    Essay: FSU -6 @ USF
    Bounce back central here. Dalvin Cook is too good of a football player and FDU is too good of a team to not handle USF in this game. I expect them to enforce the running game early and often. Jimbo, while probably not, should be looking up at the Boosters and the AD for his job security in this one. If they don’t crush USF, he may be on another sideline in 2-3 years. FSU 35 USF 15

    • cwonder23

      Sorry for the weak essay Kanick. I’m in a wedding this weekend in NYC. I will improve as the season goes on.

      • no worries mate! surprised at the fairleigh dickinson football endorsement tho.

        (but youre late on the utah pick and it is nixed. sorry about that!)

        • cwonder23

          No, my fault. Copied and pasted from an earlier note. I’ll take Indiana -8 in replacement

          • cwonder23

            AP: Steelers -3.5
            Raiders +1.5
            Rams +5.5

    • Utah game was already over by the time you posted this.

  • Matt Lawrence

    Michigan -18.5
    Stanford -3
    Giants -4.5
    Panthers -7
    Steelers -3.5 (ALL PLAY)
    Florida +6.5 (ESSAY)

    Wait a minute….were the Tennessee Vols really predicted to win the SEC East??? Tennessee is one of those programs that right when you think they are ready to go to the next level, they remind you that they are Tennessee. Contrary to what the SEC faithful may say, they did not grind out a win against Appalachian State. They got lucky playing a minor league school with a coach that doesn’t know clock management. They struggled for 4 quarters against Ohio. This is not Tennessee relaxing or looking ahead, this is just Tennessee football. Tennessee’s offense has struggled mightily all year, so I will take my essay pick on the Gators +6.5 points. That defense has only 14 total points through 3 games. That’s 4.7 points per game.

    “Tennessee, you are what we thought you were!!”

  • i re-learned a bitter re-lesson about home dogs last week and paid dearly. and when the going gets tough, the tough seek out old friend gary andersen. his old usu teams always seemed to get more from less than your average team. he’s had a year to settle in at corvallis and will demonstrate that last year’s 2-10 record was an anomaly. there’s nothing particular outstanding in orst’s stats to commend this pick, but neither is there in boise’s. after discounting that boise’s 24th total off ranking came against ull and wazzu and orst’s defense ranking in the 30s were against minny and idaho st, it becomes something of a wash. no, im pretty much looking at the part where 71% of the public is happy to give 13.5 points to gary andersen in a no-travel-week home game. this will be the second time i’ll essay against bryan harsin who i very much like.. it’s strictly numbers, nothing personal.
    gatech (lose)

  • Galea Minor

    Steelers -3.5 over Eagles (All-play)
    Indiana -8 over Wake Forest
    MSU -5.5 over Wisconsin
    Nebraska -7.5 over Northwestern
    Cowboys -7 over Bears (essay)
    Raiders +1.5 over Titans

    No actual essay this week. I don’t have that many thoughts on the Cowboys and Bears other than to say that the Bears are hilariously bad.

  • LittleBallofHate

    One late audible.
    Going with Florida State (-6) in place of Raiders (+1.5)
    Upon further review, I can’t trust Jack Del Rio’s defense

  • GRRustlers

    Week 4 Picks

    Michigan (-18.5) over Penn State – Because I firmly believe that my Buffs are better than Penn State and Harbaugh will not be happy with the performance last Saturday.

    Iowa (-13) over Rutgers – I expect the bounce back from Iowa mainly because Rutgers sucks. Since people made a big deal about your AD having a beer I hope Iowa hangs 50 on you.

    Notre Dame (-20.5) over Duke – Mainly because if ND does not win big things are going to get ugly in South Bend.

    Memphis (-16) over BGSU – I have no idea why this game jumped out at me. Just felt way too low of a number for a BGSU team that can’t stop anyone.

    AP – I don’t plan on missing the playoffs this year but if I were to miss them by just one point it would be that I took the chance and told the Steelers to fuck off this week.

    Eagles (+3.5) over Steelers

    Essay Pick

    True Story

    Less than two years ago the Cleveland Browns were 7-4 with Brian Hoyer leading the team after a late rally to beat Atlanta. You know what happened from that point on. Hoyer was by no means good down the stretch but I love how Josh Gordon gets a complete pass for sabotaging that offense. The bottom line to me is that was an above average football team with a weak leader who allowed a noted dipshit to wreck the season all while Johnny stood in the wings drinking and waiting.

    Why would I tell you any of this?

    Because I think you can make the playoffs with a guy like Hoyer. You’ll never win the big prize but with a good defense and some ability to run the ball you can win 7-10 every year. (See Texans and implosion last year.) This brings me to the steaming pile of shit that is the Chicago Bears. You want to know the real reason that NFL TV ratings are down? I say it’s because maybe 10 teams are complete garbage. All I kept thinking while watching the Bears was that they were going to go 0-16 and somehow screw the Browns out of ruining some college QBs life. How depressing for Kizer. Kid could end up being the number one pick and he’s looking at Cleveland and Chicago and wishing Archie Manning was his Dad to orchestrate some shit.

    Anyway. Cowboys big.

    Dallas (-7) over Chicago

  • USC +3 over Utah for one point, please. Surprised I’m the only one going with the Trojans tonight. Yes they’re 1-2 but Alabama and Stanford are really good!

  • bupalos

    looks like a good spot for my patented “traveling to elevation game.” utah -3

  • Nick

    Texans (L)
    Giants -4.5 vs Redskins
    Tulsa -14.5
    Browns +10
    Eagles +3.5
    Panthers -7
    The action is hot and heavy in Charlotte right now, so as the protests rage on, and my picks continue to flame, it makes sense to me for me to take this game. So I am going to wager that Riverboat has his team in the right spirit and mindset to play a stupid football game against an injury riddled Vikings team. And while the AP injury could be a blessing in disguise, Minny’s o-line is going to have its hands full with Luke and boys. After a huge victory against Green Bay in their home opener, I see a come down effort here from Zimmer’s squad, as this is one game on the schedule that they are OK with losing.

  • CLEinMSP

    Utah -3
    Arkansas +6.5
    Minny -16
    FSU -6
    Steelers -3.5 (All Play)
    Bucs -5.5 (Essay)

    The Rams stink. Yeah, Jeff Fisher and the Rams somehow beat the Seahawks a couple times every year, but otherwise it’s same old, same old. The Bucs are coming off a disastrous trip to Arizona, so I look for them to come home and bounce back on Sunday afternoon. Zig zag league as they say. The Bucs will load up on Gurley and make Case Keenum beat them, just like everyone else does. I just don’t think the Rams have much fire power outside of Gurley, so as long as the Bucs can get in the 20s, I like their chances here. Doug Martin is hurt, so I expect Jameis to sling the ball around quite a bit. Rams will try and slow the game down, but over 60 minutes the Bucs will pull away.

  • Chris Schroeder

    -3 Utah vs USC
    -5.5 Michigan State vs Wisconsin
    -6 Florida State vs USF
    +11.5 East Carolina vs Virginia Tech

    All Play: +3.5 Eagles vs Steelers

    Essay: -3 Stanford @ UCLA
    Location: Pasadena, California
    Stadium: Rose Bowl
    Time: 8:00 EST
    Broadcast: ABC
    Weather: 77 Clear
    Mascot: Stanford Tree vs Joe Bruin

    The Game: Everyone knows the key to the game. All you have to do is stop McCaffrey. Easier said then done. Stack the box, nope. Use isolation techniques, nope. Double cover, nope. Stanford depends on McCaffrey and I’m banking on him cashing in on the Bruins.
    The Cardinal is 12-3 in the last 15 games. And 7-1 in the last 8 games against UCLA. I expect a nice fight in the first half then Stanford will pull away to then pound the ball to the victory. The Cardinal for the win and some much needed Essay Chedda Points!!

  • Dave Borcas

    Stiller -3.5 (all play and essay}
    Everyone has their demons, and mine just happens to be the essay pick. Well if I’m going to will a team to lose, it might as well be one I truly dislike and detest. Despite my dislike I have a host of Stillers on my fantasy football team. They just happen to be a very good offensive football team and a solid defensive football team. The battle of undefeated teams will also be the battle of Pennsylvania. The only bigger matchup in the state come in November when Trump takes down Hillary. The Stillers 2 victories have come against solid playoff teams while the Eagles 2 victories have been against teams fighting for the top draft spot. Carson Wentz has looked good with his reads, but lets see how he reacts to the Stiller zone blitzing. Offensively the Stiller OL is really coming together as a group and Deangelo Williams gives them a solid running game until Bell returns. Jim Schwartz has the Eagles D playing well, but remember it was our beloved Browns and the Bears they faced. With this pick I win either way!


    1. UCLA +3
    2. Bears +7
    3. Minny -16
    4. Seattle -9
    5. Eagles +3.5
    6. Wisconsin +5.5 (essay)- Ok so last week’s ND essay didnt go so well. But Im back using another cheddar essay against Sparty. This looks like the better spot and I get some line value with the combo of the Badgers poor performance last week at home v Georgia State and MSU’s big win over ND clearly inflating this line this week. With such a low over/under, sitting at 41, getting 5.5 is a bit extreme but tantalizing. The Badgers were clearly looking past Georgia State last week so I could care less how that turned out. They faced a similar pro, run based offensive style in week 1 vs LSU and obviously that turned out well so this matchup suits the Badgers really well.

  • agnesbojaxhiu

    Last year I tried Old Dominion several times and always lost. One week I did not take them and they won. Both UTSA and Old Dominion are schools that I had never heard of until last year. Both teams are terrible against the spread historically, but one team has to beat it this time. I am going with the team that gets the points, because Old Dominion is never favored, and for good reason. Their stats are almost the same in every match up
    category. Last week I was in Texas and I saw many road runners. They are a lot smaller than I was expecting, and fairly drab, but still fun to watch. As a football mascot I do not know if they are that intimidating, unless you are a monarch. I assume that the Old Dominion Monarchs are butterflies and not royalty, because it would just be silly the other way. When was the last time you were scared by Clovis II the Lazy or Ethelred the Unready?

    UTSA + 3.5
    Akron +5.5
    Utah -3
    Vikings + 7
    Dolphins – 10
    Eagles + 3.5

  • pateslvrblk

    Michigan -18.5
    Jets +3
    Cards -4.5
    Bucs -5.5
    Steelers -3.5
    +++ Stanford -3

    Stanford had a huge win over USC last Saturday night. Next week they are at Washington for what could be the biggest Pac 12 game of the season. It’s gonna be 2 top ranked teams, assuming Stanford gets by this one against UCLA. If there is one coach in college football that can keep his team focused on the task at hand it’s Stanford’s David Shaw. Christian McCaffrey has been spot on this season. While I like Jim Mora as a motivator and I like Josh Rosen as a quarterback, Rosen still has some developing to do and Mora isn’t exactly the most detail oriented guy and if a couple things fall through the cracks that’s gonna kill you against Stanford. Lay the 3 with the Cardinals.

  • “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” – Hunter S. Thompson

    There is but one match for elite skill and size, which is lunacy. While height, weight, and hand-size may be measured, neurosis refuses. While schemes, play calling, and drafting may be evaluated, obsession refuses.
    Ad nauseum conversation over the years:
    Me: Wait, I thought Western Michigan were the Broncos?
    Hubby: They are.
    Me: Then why do their helmets have oars on them?
    Hubby: It’s this “row the boat” thing the coach has
    Me: But what does boat stuff have to do with horses?
    Me: I’m just saying, who does someone think they are, coming into a program and using a metaphor completely unrelated to the school’s history and mascot, and making it a THING?!
    Me: ::Sees “Row the Boat” over the stadium entrance tunnel”:: OH FOR PETE’S SAKE!
    Me: Where does the “row the boat” thing even come from?!
    Me: So, there’s a guy, who just walked in and was like, “I know ya’ll are the Broncos and whatever, but I’m your new head coach and I like this “row the boat” philosophy I picked up from the Borders’ clearance section. So we’re going to do that. That makes sense.” And everyone was like, yeah, okay, let’s do that!
    Me: Nope. Nopity nope nope. I don’t like that one bit. Not one bit.

    It’s a brand of crazy I have unwisely wagered against on multiple occasions. Why? Because I don’t understand it. My refusal to accept the non-conforming team mantra is a reflection of my own willful ignorance. The dissonance I’ve created serves as a defense mechanism, party of one. I’d rather blow Fleck off as some madman with no regard for tradition, than accept his potential to be a transformational leader. In the name of the unholy trinity, God, Nixon, and the NFL, I will strive to be open to the compulsive die hards who add the variable of true immeasurables each each week.
    Western Michigan -7 vs. Georgia Southern

    Utah -3 vs. USC: Kyle Whittingham also fits into the P.J. Fleck model (or vice versa?). NFL playing experience? Check. Coached under a household name college football coach? Check. Just swap Tressel for Meyer…same thing, right?
    Michigan -18.5 vs. Penn State: Crazy is as crazy does.
    Arizona -4.5 vs. Bills
    Alabama -44 vs. Kent State

    AP: Philly +3.5 vs. Steelers – You can put no accurate spread against a man who does nothing but compulsively watch film, exposing his own flaws and correcting, while exploiting the flaws of upcoming opponents.

    Hunter once call the NFL the “last bastion of fascism”. This was before Mr. Goodell. His foresight never left of eerie.

    • actovegin1armstrong

      Such a touching scene, I can imagine it, the beautiful, besotted young couple, spending a lazy morning together, too hungover to go to work. They pontificate their insights on football while reading Hunter S, sharing the remnants of last nights pizza with the purple mushrooms, opening up a couple more “big-ol-beers”, and writing their Cheddar Essays. Absolutely idyllic, restores my faith in the youth of A-mur-ca.

    • the browns ‘dawg pound’ identity comes to mind here for some reason..

  • LittleBallofHate

    Not much to say: Utah (-3), Michigan (-18.5), UofL (-26), Raiders (+1.5)
    All Play: Steelers (-3.5). Eagles coming off a short week and the Steelers running game once again looks like it can wear down people.
    It is only fitting that the Browns are going to be playing in a place now called Hard Rock Stadium. At 0-2 they are once again in their usual position of being between a rock and a hard place and have been rocked again with injuries. Once again the Ravens broke Josh McCown’s collarbone (depending on which coach you believe) and our national nightmare of Cody Kessler starting has now become a reality. I’m surprised Vegas hasn’t posted an over/under on Suh sacks at 3.5 yet. I was at Andy Dalton’s first preseason game in 2011 when Suh almost permanently had Dalton’s head going backwards. I can only imagine what Kessler will look like after this.
    As noted in an Associated Press article earlier this week (http://pro32.ap.org/article/numbers-look-clevelands-neverending-quarterback-shuffle) Kessler is the eighth Browns rookie making his first career QB start. All Browns QBs in their debuts are 2-23. The past five have combined to throw zero touchdowns and five interceptions. Corey Coleman is out.
    If it wasn’t September and still a lot of football and point spreads to be played, I might throw out the Pick of the Year play on this. However, I have trust issues with the Dolphins and will just go with the essay pick. Fins -10.

  • p_forever

    steelers -3.5 eagles
    nd -20.5 duke
    kent +44 alabama
    wisconsin +5.5 msu
    houston -34.5 texas state

    marshall +26 louisville***

    i loved how louisville performed on muhammad ali day, and doing that against fsu was a huge bonus. but i don’t think they will beat marshall by 26 points. that’s not because i think louisville’s stock has peaked after a big win (see, e.g., msu). it’s just that the usual rules of college football apply – there is bound to be a letdown after a huge win. and in this case it’s not only a letdown week for louisville, but it’s a look ahead to next week too, when they will play clemson in what’s basically the acc title game. plus marshall just can’t be okay with its embarrassing loss last week, including an even more awful defensive breakdown than notre dame’s (which is really saying something). and even if marshall does allow lamar jackson to score 100 points – which is a distinct possibility – marshall’s offense has the fire power to keep this game within the spread. last but not least, picking louisville here feels a little like bad action –i wouldn’t be shocked if the spread jumped another point as i wrote this.

    • actovegin1armstrong

      p, Notre ame has been very isappointing this year. As much as I love efense it mae me sa that they gave up 38 points to uke. I will still route for the Golen omers, but it will be ifficult if they continue to play efence so terribly.

      • p_forever

        it’s really awful. i somehow thought they would come around??? i saw them in person v nevada. that was a blowout, but even then i was really concern not just about inexperience/poor play, but a real lack of discipline. i figured at least the latter would be cured by now. it isn’t. i think the defensive coordinator will be fired for sure.

        • actovegin1armstrong

          “i think the defensive coordinator will be fired for sure”
          Love your sense of humor p. I had a bad one liner with an equally horrible pun if you commented on why I was using “Mrs Clinton”, but you must have seen that coming, bringing the kids into it and all….

  • FlyHighCharlieFrye

    Steelers -3.5
    Georgia Southern +7
    South Carolina +2.5
    Bengals -3
    Falcons +3

    Dolphins – 10

    Well, Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler. Cody Kessler.

    Wait, am I not allowed to do that? Look, the Browns had an embarrassingly bad roster 3 weeks ago before all these injuries and last week’s vintage Browns loss. Now you bring in a deer who’s still very much in the headlights and put him against that defense. The Dolphins stink, but not like the Browns stink. I just don’t see how this is close, and even if it is Kessler will probably throw one to the other team.

  • Chris P.

    BYU +7 West Virginia
    North Carolina -7 Pitt
    Akron +5.5 App. St.
    Steelers -3.5 Eagles
    Bears +7 Cowboys

    Okay, I enjoy the ride of a huge underdog… and I’d love to get super philosophical here, and list a ton of stats, but sometimes it’s just way too many points.

    Baylor played well and looked crisp and sharp in taking apart SMU in Waco 40-13. SMU’s big issue has been the turnover this year – but that’s what happens when you lose a starting quarterback. SMU’s defense has been solid – but the turnovers have killed them. Now with three weeks under his belt, Freshman Ben Hicks should be a lieele smarter with the ball early, and not let TCU run out way ahead early. If SMU can keep it close early, then the game should never get too far out of hand.

    There’s a betting angle, I suppose – SMU is 3-0 against the spread. TCU is 0-3 against the spread.

    But let’s be honest here… 18-20 points might be fair, but once you get over 3 touchdowns, it sure feels like you’ve gone too far. It’s just too many points.

    Southern Methodist +23 Texas Christian

  • mmmmsnouts

    SMU +21 vs. TCU (monster trap game for the Frogs)
    Panthers -7 vs. Vikings
    Ravens -1 vs. Jaguars
    Kent +44 vs. Alabama (Saban tries very hard not to embarrass cream puffs and especially not his alma mater)
    ALL PLAY: Steelers -3.5 vs. Eagles

    ESSAY: UCF -6.5 vs. Florida International

    Wait, shouldn’t I be picking the USF game instead? Hell no I’m not picking that game. I’ll be there and want to enjoy the ride without thinking about the line. Instead I’ll take the Knights, who found some juice last week with true freshman McKenzie Milton at quarterback – not a Witness Protection Program name! – and damn near upset Maryland. (By the way, the “almost” win is a cherished UCF landmark.) I know a few people down at FIU and they all agree that team is a disaster this year. Plus I get the nice hook at 6.5. Calling this one: UCF ends their 659-day run without a win over an FBS opponent. Which sucks because I would have loved for that streak to end at exactly 666.

  • Harbaugh Handshakes

    Texans -1.5

  • bupalos

    I think our own dear Cheddar Bay is the only place on earth* where the Patriots +1.5 line existed for more than 5 minutes. While I should be getting instead of giving, lets see what these Oilers can do here. Houston -1.5 for a ched.

  • HitTheHorns

    can’t help myself: 1) Patriots +1.5

    • HitTheHorns

      2) Marshall +26

      • HitTheHorns

        3) Titans -1.5

        4) Bengals -3

        5) Eagles +3.5

        6) Dolphins -10 **ESSAY**

        My wife and I are selling our house right now for sale by owner. We don’t need a realtor, we said. We both watch a lot of Chip and JoJo, all improvements we made were done by a well-known reputable contractor,plus we live in a smaller town where there isn’t many listings in our price range. This should be easy. First couple days, had a few showings, no offer. After about the 5th appointment, we were both discouraged that nothing came in. Now, my wife likes to keep a list on a dry erase board in the kitchen. Anyone that is married or in a relationship knows adding inappropriate things to the store/to-do list is essential entertainment. We stood in the kitchen after a nice young couple toured our house to talk about if we thought they were the ones. Our eyes both gazed upon the dry erase board at the same time: “-Nissan recall -Zachary birthday card -Refill Desmond’s medicine -Suck My Cock.”

        This week we get to watch a bad college QB wear a bad high school uniform and try to win a road game. I’m sure Cody Kessler is a swell guy that works hard and really wants to do well. I’m also sure that the Browns are not cursed, they are completely dysfunctional and always sabotage themselves. This week my wife and I learned how to play like a Brown. Here’s hoping Cody Kessler doesn’t have a feeling like this on Sunday.

  • ChuckKoz

    Pats +1.5

  • Concierge

    Oklahoma State
    EMU Essay
    Minnesota gophers
    Houston Texans
    GA Tech

    YES! I get to essay a game at the factory!! EMU is much improved this year and seem to have found a QB in Todd Porter. I love EMU getting points in this spot. EMU looking for its first 3-1 start since 1995. Wyoming shouldn’t be favored against anyone let alone on the road. Wyoming has given up 310 yards per game thru the air. I think that Porter will light them up. (assuming he makes it thru the cement wall before the game)


  • zizzer13

    Hoping to start my week off well…

    Pats +1.5 over Texans

    • zizzer13

      Michigan -18.5 over Penn State
      Louisville -26 over Marshall
      Florida State -6 over South Florida
      Dolphins -10 over Browns

      This week’s picks tend to follow a theme: assholes. Bill Belichick is a prickly asshole, and his team won. Jim Harbaugh is an asshole who’s practically guaranteed to run up the score against Penn State. Bobby Petrino is an asshole who is going to let Lamar Jackson run up the score until he gets killed, and Marshall looked pretty awful in a loss to Akron last week. Jimbo Fisher? Yeah, he falls into that category as well, and I figure Free Shoes U will rebound. The Browns stink worse than an asshole, and there’s no chance Cody Kessler keeps that game close (especially with the ever-growing list of injuries, which now includes the bleepin’ kicker). I thought about including Alabama to blow out Kent State as one of my selections, but as much of an asshole as Nick Saban is, I don’t think he’s that much of one to blow out his alma mater. Maybe he is, I don’t know. But that’s too many points to lay a Cheddar on to find out, especially when I’m so far behind.

      Which brings me to the pick involved in this week’s essay. I haven’t heard many negative things about Carson Wentz, leading me to believe that he’s a pretty nice guy. I actually met Doug Pederson when he played for the Packers, and I can positively state that he’s a nice guy. It’s unfortunate, because the Eagles are going up against two colossal dickheads this week in Ben Roethlisberger and Mike Tomlin. Roethlisberger’s off-field exploits are legendary – do I really even need to go into the allegations here? And Tomlin, this is a guy who tried to trip an opposing player, then had the stones to deny doing such a thing.

      And in the end, I think people are giving Carson Wentz WAY too much credit for his first two games. The fact that the spread is as small as it is is a clear over-reaction to a really small sample size. Yes, he’s got two wins, and he’s made some nice throws. But holy crap, his first two games have come against veritable JV squads in the Browns and Bears. I’ve got to take the asshole factor against the flash in the pan, and I’m so confident in Pittsburgh’s ability to make the kid look like an overmatched rookie that I’m making this not only my essay, but also my ***POTY***

      Steelers -3.5 over Eagles

      • Good luck!

      • thatsfine

        The transition from Belichick and Harbaugh being assholes to “the Browns stink worse than an asshole” was seamless. This is excellent POTY material.

  • Nick

    Texans for 1 pt.

  • gatech +9

  • zarathustra

    Georgia Tech tonight for 1 point please.

  • Lucy Lawrence

    1. Texans -1.5

    • Lucy Lawrence

      2. Stanford -3
      3. Dolphins -10
      4. Jets +3
      5. AP: Steelers
      6. Essay: Cards -4.5

      This essay pick is really more about picking against the Bills then it is picking the Cards. The fact that Rex hired Rob to be his defensive coordinator in the first place was a joke. Then they go out and score 32 pts against the Jets but give up 37 so they fire the OFFENSIVE coordinator!? 🤔 It’s bad karma and I wouldnt be surprised if they are both jobless in a few weeks. That being said the Cards have a tough defense and I think Carson will be licking his chops thinking about putting up some points against the always horrible Rex Ryan defense.

  • FTCMikeD

    Thursday night action:
    PATS +1.5 over Texans

    • FTCMikeD

      Friday night college play:
      Wyoming -3 over EMU

      • FTCMikeD

        BYU + 7 over WVU
        TAMU -6.5 over Arkansas
        AP: EAGLES +3.5 over Stillers
        Cowboys are looking decent without Romo’s ribs and the Bears have been looking awful. Surprisingly the rookie on the Cowboys getting all the love has been Dak Prescott and not Zeke Elliot. Alfred Morris has taken his fair share of plays from Zeke and is an accomplished runner. Of course they also have Dez Bryant and Jason Witten. The Bears defense has looked pretty terrible with pedestrian games against the Texans and Eagles and now a number of starters are out, including Lamarr Houston and Danny Travathan. On offense, Cutler is out and Hoyer is in. I think Hoyer is OK, but he doesn’t seem to have many weapons on offense and Alshon Jeffrey is Questionable. Kevin White hasn’t shown much and Langford at RB is just OK with 3 ypc. The Bears are also on short rest after playing Monday night and on the road in Jerry’s World. The Bears have a ton of injuries and didn’t have much talent to start with, sound familiar Browns fans? Take the Cowboys.

  • RCLA

    There are a few games I actually like this week! That can’t end well!

    Oklahoma State + 8 – This would be my essay most weeks. Isn’t this a one score game like 8 out of 10 times? I have seen nothing from either of these teams that suggest that they are anything other than what they are every year. and the teams these teams are every year play to a 41-35 score.

    Steelers -3.5 – There is a bound to be a “slow your roll” moment for Carson Wentz at some point, even if he is ultimately going to become Curse of Cleveland v13.1 and make the hall of fame twice. This seems as good a spot as any. Sneaky animus rivalry. Big game. Veteran team. I’ll lay the points 5.5 days a week.

    Seattle -9 – This offense isn’t going to be what it was down the regular season stretch last year, apparently. I think we have to accept that. But this line is still too low. Seattle is not going to score 6 or 9 or 14 points and SF is going to score 0 or 3 or 7. Seattle by two + scores.

    Stanford -3 – Not my favorite of these picks, but everything in recent history suggest to me that UCLA’s preseason rank was BS and that Stanford is far and away the class of the Pac 10. Stanford runs all over them and covers.

    Florida State -6 – I mean, if they have an ounce of pride this is a blow out. I know South Florida is not a doormat, but this is a game a team with top five talent should win by three TDs. Line feels like an overreaction to the Louisville debacle.

    ESSAY: Colts -2.5 – Call me nostalgic for thinking that the Colts are a good home team. Call me stupid for trusting Andrew Luck over and over and over again even though he can’t do anything when he is flat on his back. Call me uninformed for not knowing the complete backgrounds of Kenneth Farrow and Tyrell Williams. But I can’t see teh Colts falling to 0-3 at home against a team missing both their best skill position players. Like, I literally in my head can’t envision the world in which the Chargers win this game. The Chargers defense isn’t great and they certainly don’t have a Ziggy Ansah or a Von Miller to run at Luck. Moncrief is out and I worry about whoever the hell the 4th receiver is for the Colts, because the fact I don’t know of the top of my head strongly suggest they are asshole garbage. But I’m still a fan of MY BOY Andy Luck. And getting 2.5 when everywhere is at three makes this my ***PICK OF THE YEAR*** Too early? Don’t fucking care. Die young and leave a beautiful bearded deep voiced weirdo corpse.

  • pheasantpants

    Wyoming -3 at Eastern Michigan for a point, please

    • pheasantpants

      UTSA +3.5 at Old Dominion
      Florida +6.5 at Tennessee
      FSU -6 at USF

      • pheasantpants

        Steelers -3.5 for All Play
        at Green Bay -6.5 over Detroit for the essay

        Second time already this season I’ve essayed against my hometown Leos. Turns out my hunch about the Lions being unprepared for Opening Day transferred to the *home* opener as they racked up penalty after backbreaking penalty in a heartbreaking loss to Tennessee. This week they’re in Lambeau, and their trip their last year broke a losing streak in Green Bay that dated back to the George HW Bush administration. While the weather is favorable for the trip, and Detroit has had success against the Pack lately (winners of 3 of 5), it’s going to be a tough time, this week. Defensive players dropped like flies for Detroit last week, and when they did, a young QB picked the unit apart. Green Bay’s offense has faltered as of late, but it gets to face a Lions defense that had no pass rush after losing Ziggy Ansah to injury, and will be missing stud LB DeAndre Levy. On the offensive side of the ledger, the Lions will be without the services of dynamic back Ameer Abdullah, rendering a new look offense relatively one dimensional. Lions may look good early, but look for the Pack to win a 27-17 kind of affair.

        • pheasantpants

          haha, used the wrong line and the Lions did just enough to cover. FML.

          • essay hook bit me this week too. 🙁

  • actovegin1armstrong

    Coleman following the RGINJURY inspired Baylor tradition breaks his hand in practice. Now I am starting to have some doubts that the Browns will finish this season at 14-2.

  • Troy Bunting

    Essay Pick **Arizona Cards -4.5**
    Feeling pretty confident about this line. Although the Cards offense hasn’t been as explosive as they were last year, I chalk that up to early season kinks. The offense is well balanced with a strong backfield, solid possession and big hit receivers and a line that keeps Palmer comfortable. The biggest confidence boost in this pick comes from turnover stats. The Cards are currently #1 in the league in takeaways and the offense hasn’t had a turnover in the first two games. Playing composed against a Rex Ryan, fire everyone, sets the Cards up to score some points on their own, and take advantage of some Bill turnovers.

  • actovegin1armstrong

    ****Pats +1.5**** How could I get the Patriots +1.5 and not make it my essay? The Texans are the logical pick here from every intelligent angle, but I took things a step farther and brought out my Magic-8-Ball. I only use it on one pick a year and I have lost every time, so I have to make this my ****PoTY****. I like these reasons as well. The largest conglomeration of momentum taking the point spread in the wrong direction is that the Patriots need a quarterback. I can assure all of my beloved Cheddar Classmates that the Patriots will start and end this game with a quarterback. Eureka! Problem solved. The Patriots shall also begin and end this game with at least a two touchdown Shurmur Scale advantage. I would go into the far reaching realm of the obvious on the Shurmur Scale, but I only have three minutes to finish this essay. The Patriots will have a quarterback and perhaps a Tight End. They are still the Patriots and the Texans still play like they do not really mean it all too often. MB, please note, ****PoTY****
    AP Steelers
    Bears +7
    TCU -21
    Central Mich -3.5
    Alabama -44

    • HitTheHorns

      good luck!

      • actovegin1armstrong

        Thank you HTH

        • p_forever

          even when the most handsome pretty boy qb isn’t playing, his team does 🙂 the power of pretty – it’s real.

          • actovegin1armstrong

            “It is better to be beautiful than to be good.” Oscar Wilde
            I shall take his word for it, I have never had the pleasure to experience either one.

          • actovegin1armstrong

            Not that it matters very much P, but the rather convoluted point of my essay is that quarterbacks are not important, (even pretty ones), coaches are.

          • p_forever

            lol i love that you think i didn’t get your point. you little sexist you – you’re voting for trump, aren’t you 😉

            ANYWAY, my point is that your point is wrong. well – half wrong. coaches are super duper important. but the fact that qb 3 can go in and be disciplined about running what was actually a really very simple game plan, does not prove that qb 1 is not a great quarterback, even if pretty boy haters all over the world would love that to be the case.

            more to the point: of course the qb is important. he literally touches the ball on every offensive play. if he is unable to be disciplined, and refuses to run the plays he’s given, your team will lose. if he isn’t great (yet), and tries to do too much, your team will lose.

            so even if it’s true that you don’t need a *great* quarterback to win football games, it’s also true that your (non-great) quarterback is still the most important player on the team.

          • actovegin1armstrong

            P, it is so annoying that you cloud the issue with facts and other pertinent information.
            Also, please watch Mrs. Clinton on “In Between the Ferns”. Great line:
            Zac: What do you think Trump will wear for your debate?
            Mrs. Clinton: Probably a red, power tie.
            Zac: Or, perhaps more appropriately, a White Power tie.

    • You did it! Congratulations!

      • actovegin1armstrong

        Thank you, but perhaps I did it too early. I also forgot to add more commas to my essay.

        • The few commas add a certain breathlessness to your essay. Quite effective.

    • Wow

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