Toledo loses game, dollars for the cure.

Cameron Stingily, Chris Dukes

Commemorate Toledo’s loss to NIU with a Chris Dukes jersey, minimum bid $130.

Did anyone find it beyond strange that the Toledo Rockets trotted out their pink breast cancer uniforms last night?  That’s 21 days past Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the ostensible reason for the wretched excess of form over substance that the uniform game has turned into.  The shpiel here was that the game jerseys would be auctioned off and something winds up going to something something something.

But hey, it’s all FOR THE CURE Power in Pink so I thought I’d take a look-see on how that auction was working out.1

Not so good really.  I count 97 jerseys and bids totaling ~$8400.  That’s an average bid of $86.  Since regular game jerseys price out at $78 and these are custom, ,,, well it’s hard to see what if anything if going to Komen.  Or whatever charity it’s supposed to go to.

And that got me thinking.  So many questions:

  • What charity exactly?  //University of Toledo Eleanor N. Dana Cancer Center designated for Breast Cancer research and awareness.2
  • Just what percent of the proceeds go to a charity?
  • Is the charitable contribution based on a per jersey basis?  E.g., Kareem Hunt has a bid for $500.
    • Will the delta between cost and bid go to charity?
    • Or will it be used to offset the cost of the [current count] 40 no bid jerseys?
  • What happens to the jerseys that go unsold?  Given away?  To whom?  Who decides?
  • What about helmets?  Pants?  Socks?  Shoes?  Are they being auctioned?  Or were they purchased for one-time use on national television thus mainly promotional both for UT and UA?
  • Did Under Armour donate any of this?
    • Or was it just a purchase of additional Under Armour gear above and beyond the original Under Armour gear purchase?
  • How much did last night’s uniforms cost?
  • Who is bidding on these jerseys?
    • How many bidders are players’ parents?
    • Or players themselves?
  • Who’s name is on the back of the jerseys?  In many cases UT has multiple players listed with the same number… how do I know who wore the jersey? //No names are on the back of the jerseys.
  • What’s up with #64?  There’s no player on the roster with that number, but it’s currently bid at $400, the second highest bid.
  • There are six jerseys with no player associated with the number.  Are non-game-worn jerseys being sold?

And how do Greg Mancz and Jayrone Elliott jerseys go un bid upon?
And if the bidder “TPAIN” on the #43 Trent Voss jersey isn’t indeed Trent Voss, I’ll eat my new winter beanie.

[I have a call into UT Marketing, will update if/when they call back.]

Toledo lost, who won?

Toledo played like crap last night. Four turnovers. Lost their biggest game of the year at home and on national TV.  UA puts it all into perspective for here on their Facebook page, though:

Screen Shot 2013-11-21 at 11.31.38 AM

This is true.
Last night was about making Under Armour more profitable.

Ok, so compared to death and mastectomies last night’s game was inconsequential. I have to wonder if that was a line from Matt Campbell’s pre-game speech because DAMN.

But we do the football and competitive sports thing to identify winning and losing teams in a competitive setting, I mean it’s why we’re all here. So besides NIU, who won last night?

So Toledo is auctioning off the jerseys for their breast cancer charity.  As of now, if ALL of the bids go to charity, that’s $8000.  There’s a winner: The UT Dana Breast Cancer wing.  But is it the big winner?



Because what about the rest of those one time used, breast cancer uniforms?  Looks from their Facebook page that UA outfitted the entire uniform.  I don’t know uniform costs (not retail; I’m talking Toledo’s price) but my swag on it looks like this:

  • Helmet, $200
  • Jersey, $80
  • Pants, $120
  • Socks, $10
  • Shoes, $150
  • Gloves, $20

That totals $580 but let’s assume I’m high and round it down to $500/uniform.  I see 97 jerseys on auction so let’s say 97 uniforms for purchased from UA.

$500 x 97 = $48,500 for last night’s one use uniform.

I think we’ve found the big winner.  Under Armour.

Here’s the net net:  University of Toledo spent about 50K to donate 2K to an already extremely well-funded charity but the main thing is to pimp new uniforms because substance is all and the piece of shit performance by the Rockets on the football field means nothing because it’s really about pimping unis Power in Pink.

Defining moment for you there, Matt Campbell.  Your team looked like a team that spent the whole damn day taking selfies instead of getting ready for Jordan Lynch and the biggest game of the year.  You failed.

And Under Armour?  They picked up a bonus $50,000 order from a rust-belt public institution.  That’s a nice order in any business and a really nice order in the Northwest Ohio economic region.

Just remember last night was about more than touchdowns.

It was also about corporate exploitation of charitable nature to fleece you and last night’s willing accomplices were Under Armour (8B mkt cap), ESPN (128B), NCAA, and UT.

Any fucks given with respect to any charitable giving is incidental.


  1. Haha, I seriously thought ‘Power in Pink’ was a charity tagline but it’s just a UA clothing line.  Hahaha at me. [back]
  2. Perhaps some dollars can go toward producing a proof-read landing page for their website because I don’t want to see “highly experienced breast cancer specialists with more than 000 [sic] years of experience.” [back]
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  • maxfnmloans

    As a former BG student, let me say the people at Toledo are not the sharpest tools in the shed. I mean…who goes to Toledo voluntarily?

  • Nick

    I just hope we get to see more of Kanick’s scotch infused tweets when cheddar points are on the line.

    I’m with you on Bryon Scott btw. In retrospect, they probably could have brought Mike Brown back as a defensive specialist assistant type and given Bryon another year when the team’s goal is to actually win games.

  • Petefranklin

    I believe those were the same helmets they normally wear with a new decal for the night. When I saw Toledo in pink I figured that they would lose, remember Iowa’s locker rooms?

  • bupalos

    Uh oh…. sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of his cheddar point….[[[sad trombone]]]

    I have little doubt this whole pinkety-pink hoo-ha is all about dollar exploitation (otherwise the NCAA and NFL wouldn’t be anywhere near it), and I’m not sure how one “raises awareness” of something that every sentient being on the planet is already aware of. But are we sure UA didn’t donate this stufft themselves?

    • yer gut dam right i was peeved about lose a cheddar point on that. so petty of me to care about who won the game since it about ‘more the touchdowns.’

      ya know bup, UA/Nike/Adidas are fracking the soul of youngsters worldwide. you should be all over this. **makes corporate gloved-hands gesture.* the ‘knockout game’ is a metaphysical flaming water spigot.

      • bupalos

        You hooligan! Perhaps you’re not aware that there are breasts. And that they get cancer!

        Quite seriously, I am square in your corner on the ridiculousness and issue exploitation of this (without perhaps understanding the connection to the kinds of mindless risk taking and violence the adolescent underclass has more or less always exhibited in one form or another since the middle ages, whether youtube was there to let us watch or not). I am just wondering if it’s true that UA was making a profit sale here to Toledo. Just to get a handle on the level of crass we are talking about.

        And to keep things in perspective, there is no way that even if tennis shoes and football helmets are somehow 100% responsible for 100% of “knockout game” attacks–and not, as some others might suggest, regressive myopia about whether deficit and low tax obsessions are more important than education, healthcare, and headstart– even if shoes and helmets are 100% responsible for these overexposed attacks, I would still say the global catastrophe embedded in the ruin-extract-burn mentality of fracking is a trump issue.

        • yeah, it’s a very good question, i do really have a into to UT Marketing (Heather Webb was on the VM). while i doubt they were donated, i hope it wasn’t a 50K outlay.

          w.r.t. 50 years of civil rights legislation, even ezra klein notes that little real progress has been achieved by [ironically labelled] progressive mandates. he stops short of calling for an evaluation of the existing programs or for looking at other paths to address the problem [ironically labelled regressive]. but it’s an open question to me whether the goal is really to help people who need it or to help ease white guilt. [dammit. sucked in.]

          i shouldn’t be taking that bait because my commentary on the gear-makers role in this dystopia is simply that the endless hyping of uniforms and appearance detracts from the valuable lessons of team and loyalty and work. ie, substance of ‘team’ versus the _form_ of pink highlighted uniforms. w.r.t. to wednesday, i do think toledo players/coaches took lost focus on NIU when the shiny pink objects were set before them wednesday pre-game.

          • bupalos

            The 50 years thing isn’t by ezra klein and what it most clearly establishes is, shockingly enough, that liberal welfare and desegregation programs help ease poverty and segregation, while reverses do the reverse. Conservative carping on abstract theories of dependence seem to me mostly based on the idea that since progressive advances only solve society’s ills in piddly 5 and 10% increments, we should instead turn around and try marching into the sea.

            But if progressive mandates don’t work for you, how do you assuage the feelings of guilt that come from your racial and economic privilege?

  • actovegin1armstrong

    Of course you are absolutely correct in every part of this post, but I may have been swayed if they had gone with the all neon pink helmets I was told they were going to wear. I wish that I could have played football in full pink regalia.
    I promised a local team in Houston I would join and race with them if they were going with pink jerseys and pink skin suits the next year. I stayed with them for 6 years so I could wear all pink at every race. I have no idea why but I love that color!
    On another note, the pink uni’s are bad, but not as bad as Doper Boy Yellow. LiveWrong was 99% about self promotion and 15% about hiring cronies to cushy jobs.
    Nance Deadwrong and his “foundation” never gave a penny to support cancer research.

  • GRRustlers

    This is the 2nd best thing you have ever written. (Sorry. I just don’t see you ever topping your evisceration of Modell.)

    The worst was ESPN feeling the need to plug it twice every damn quarter.

    This entire topic just infuriates me. Maybe because it hits close to home for me or people can’t grasp that the businesses that make the uniforms are the only ones who profit off this nonsense.

    As I said last night if you choose to buy one of these Toledo uniforms instead of giving money to someone in your town with cancer just punch yourself in the dick.

    Great work here.

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