Why we hate ESPN, #1: Cross-Sport Power Rankings.

Why we hate ESPN.  Chapter 1.

What the fuck is a Cross-Sport Power Ranking?

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Is this a thing now?

Is this important?  Why?

Does every fucking thing at ESPN have to emphasize the individual over the team?

Is there no one able to deviate from the David Stern Larry-vs-Magic formula devised in 1982?  Is there no one in Bristol bright enough or creative enough to craft interesting content about a team win that does not involve some utterly bogus ranking?

What is with the fixation on ranking things?  I mean stack rank on EVERYTHING.  There’s a whole world of new graphical ways to present data.  Choose a new one.

Also hip and with it.

If you play fantasy sports, ESPN thinks this it’s reaching you with this with this strategy.  How does that make you feel?  Like re-thinking fantasy sports?  Yes, exactly.

Why is Beyonce ranked 9th?
  I know:  Aww it’s cute.  Hey we’re hip.  We’re with it.

You know there’s an archive for this?

You know they’ve been doing this since 5/3/2010?

Want to guess who was #1 in the first ever ranking?

Yes, it was LeBron.

Want to know who else was on the INAUGURAL ESPN CROSS SPORT POWER RANKING list ?

You’re going to laugh.

The top 10 is LeBron, Kevin Durant, Sidney Crosby, Roy Halliday, Tim Tebow, Dwyane Wade, Tim Lincecum, Dwight Howard, Albert Pujols, Kobe Bryant.

How’d Roy Halliday get on the list?

I say again:   LeBron, Kevin Durant, Sidney Crosby, Roy Halliday, Tim Tebow, Dwyane Wade, Tim Lincecum, Dwight Howard, Albert Pujols, Kobe Bryant.

Is one of the metrics whether or not the cross-sporter has done a ‘This is SportsCenter’ commercial?

Look at that list.  It’s straight from an ESPN internal memo:  2010 tongue bath targets.

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Who makes these rankings?  Here is the panel:

2012 Cross-Sport Power Rankings panel: Sara WalshJohn BuccigrossRobert Flores,Michael SmithBram WeinsteinMike HillJorge AndresCharissa ThompsonDJ GalloJim BasquilKevin ConnorsJeff MacGregor and Steve Weissman

Let’s randomly click on one of the arbiters of cross-sport power.

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Which is worse:  her diktat to me of her absolute truth or her self-centered belief that I give a shit?

Your narrative has grown tiresome.
I agree Dieter.

Dealing in absolutes, check.  All up in this grill, check.  Brings the ruckus but in a safe way, check.  Ah.  She co-hosts something with Cowherd.

We’ve spent too much time on her.  And on this.

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If you think I’m wrapping this up with some ironic I wonder who will be on the list next week deal then you’ve read too much Rick Reilly.

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PS, you know who will be joining ESPN next football season?  I guess he retired from the Ravens or something, not sure, I might have missed his story.  But yes, this pictured below guy is coming to Bristol.

He’s coming to Bristol because?  Well it can’t be because you like him because I don’t know anyone personally who likes him.  It must be because ESPN thinks you SHOULD like him… and that can be the subject of another chapter.

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